When I was just 8 years old, my primary school teacher called me 'pathetic' in front of all my classmates. Her words pierced through my heart like a sharp arrow.
As I sat on the school bench with my doctor's note watching my friends play basketball on the court, Mrs Griffin cage prowled in front of me with palpable bitterness on her face and finally said out loud "You're just pathetic!"
All my classmates on the court stopped and watched in confusion. I was a quiet and well-behaved kid in class, so this situation with the teacher reprimanding me was not normal. The other sick classmate next to me wasn't getting any of this unfair treatment.
My crime? I didn't know at this point.
I felt my face burn up with embarrassment and I just felt like shrinking away and out of sight from everyone staring at me while they held their basketballs with the look of shock on their faces.
As she continued to speak to me in a scathing tone, it became clear that my real offense was her view of my doctor’s note for skipping P.E. (physical activity) that day due to an asthma attack I'd had at midnight. This was deemed as 'pathetic' in her eyes.
That incident, buried in the depths of my childhood memories, unknowingly cast a shadow over my adult life.
The fear of standing out and being tall-poppy-ed.
The dread of being judged by others.
The worry of being shamed also paralysed me into playing small.
The fear of attracting any sort of criticism created twists in my stomach.
It was only when I unearthed this suppressed emotion a few years ago that I could begin to process the impact it had on me.
In my journey of healing and understanding, I discovered three tips that helped me confront my fears and reclaim my sense of self-worth.
1. Acknowledge and Learn From Your Past
The first step towards healing from past trauma is acknowledging its existence and feeling into the situation, not just putting a band-aid over it and trying to act positive.
By recognising the hurtful incident from my childhood and accepting its lingering effect on my present self, I began to unravel the layers of insecurities that had encased me for so long. It is so crucial to allow yourself the space to feel the pain... for me it was the embarrassment in front of others, and the shame of being criticised for something I hadn't intentionally done.
Only by confronting the past and looking for the learnings and wisdom that came from that situation could I process and dissolve the hurt and bring my body back into equilibrium at a deep level.
2. Embrace Vulnerability as Strength & Build Emotional Fitness
In a world that often perceives vulnerability as a flaw, I learned that it is one of our greatest assets. It can be challenging to embrace these vulnerabilities at first, but it is seriously liberating if we're to step up and become more better versions of ourselves that we know we're capable of.
Diving into shameful experiences is not acknowledging weakness, nor anything to be ashamed of. It is actually a strength, as it takes courage to revisit the people and situations who helped curate the stories of what we told ourselves at the time to protect us.
I opened up about my deepest wounds, sharing my fears with people I trusted, and express (and processed) my emotions unapologetically. This has allowed me to connect on a deeper level with others, including clients, friends and family.
I also used Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping on meridian points on the body) to help release some of the stored emotions within me. Tapping has been a crucial part of improving my emotional fitness for myself and clients over the past 20 years since I learned this incredible tool.
By embracing my vulnerability and owning my story, I've found the courage to gradually step out of the shadows and into the world that I was hiding from... slowly choosing to be unafraid of being seen for who I truly am.
3. Rewrite Your Narrative
The most powerful tool in overcoming past situations has been to rewrite the narrative that defined me for so long. Instead of letting that teacher's hurtful rant dictate how I show up (by playing small and not putting myself out there), I chose to reclaim my story and redefine my self-image.
I call it the Identity Shift - the shift from my current identity to the new identity of who I wanted to become and how I want to show up. This began by practicing more self-compassion, practicing courage in areas I'd feared to tread, and silencing the inner critic that subconsciously echoed my teacher's cruel words.
By reframing my past experience through a lens of growth and resilience, I transformed the hurt into a source of strength. I discovered that my worth is not contingent on the opinions of others but on the love and acceptance I give myself.
As I think back to the impact of that single embarrassing incident in my childhood I shake my head at how those few minutes have reverberated throughout my life, shaping my thoughts and actions in profound ways.
By confronting this one situation and rewriting the learnings, I'm now more aware of the fear of shame, judgement and criticism and where a lot of that stemmed from.
In fact, I'm grateful for this childhood memory as it allows me to recognise the same fear of rejection, shame and criticism in my clients, so I can empathise deeply while also guiding them through the technique that helped me move through this.
Remember, healed wounds make us resilient, and only when we shed light on them can we expand and become more fulfilled versions of who we're capable of being.
Jen Gautier xo
Mindset Mentor | MakeShiftHappen.co.nz
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